You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
