Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Randomize
