so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
