too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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