bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
