i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
