cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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