2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
