it's too hot outside to masturbate.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize