How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
