Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize