My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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