I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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