He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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