Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
