u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
