a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
