So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
