he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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