Ambien. No doubt about it.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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