why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
