You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
