Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
