dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
