Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
foreskin is a definite game changer
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
