soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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