Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
