I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
