before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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