i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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