Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
