who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
