Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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