just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
