Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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