wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
