I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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