Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
