Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
