____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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