He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
