this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He's on the porch naked. Help.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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