I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Found your dick twin last night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
