The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
