??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
