One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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