Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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