im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
