after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
