my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
