I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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