What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
