do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
