the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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