I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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