You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
