he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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