And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
