There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
