Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
