If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
