He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
