i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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