Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
