Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize