I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
