This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
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she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
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Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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